Being a mom is so hard sometimes, and there are days when I just sit down and the tears practically puddle around me, but this girl, this little heart and soul, is so worth every pain, anxiety attack, sleepless night, and emotional day. I want her to grow up knowing that she matters; her heart matters; and that every bit of this messy life is worth living for the love that we know in Jesus. I hope her daddy and I can show her that love of Jesus every day.
I think the best concept that teaches, informs, and encourages me every single day is the reality that my job in life as a parent is not to fix her, to make her behave properly, or to make her educated. My job as a parent is the long game of showing her who Christ is, and how He loves: with undying passion, tender compassion, forgiveness and grace, justice and truth, mercy and kindness, and so. much. gentleness. Sure, behavior, education, discipline matters. But I will have failed as a parent if I have the most well educated, behaved, and disciplined human for a child, but one who’s heart is broken by a lack of love, compassion, and, well, heart.
Basically, I must remember that parenting isn’t about me. It’s not about whether I’m such a good parent. It’s not about whether I’m respected and honored. It’s not about whether I’m happy or annoyed or mad. That’s between me and God, and my attitude and reputation must never be my child’s responsibility. It’s about keeping my eyes on the reward, pressing on towards the goal, and the goal is that my little one knows without a shadow of a doubt that her Savior loves her, and that she will never be alone and unprotected. And she might not ever find those things out if her daddy and I don’t show her by our own actions and words the gospel lived out in every day, every tear, every laugh, and every meal.
I’m so thankful to be a parent. I’m so humbled to be a parent. I’m so terrified to be a parent. But I know God’s grace and love and strength is made all the more beautiful in my weakness and failings and I hope that my children will always see God’s work and redemption in their parent’s failings as well as successes.